I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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