Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
