Jerry, you need to find god
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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