my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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