OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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