Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
