I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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