you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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