I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
