porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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