Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There are leaves in my underwear?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
