just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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