Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize