I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
