Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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