help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
