My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
