The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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