Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
