And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
