My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
