So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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