Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
