I cannot find my penis.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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