That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
