I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
