I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
