It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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