I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
