I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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