a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
