Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
