i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
