You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
