I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
