Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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