Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
