Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
