I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
honey bunches of taint.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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