I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
