You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
