Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
