FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
