Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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