My hand turned me down
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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