I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
