I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if only i could text you this smell
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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