Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
