you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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