I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
