roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
