dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
