I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
