I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
