Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
