i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
