Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
