i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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