Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
