it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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