Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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