I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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