Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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