will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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