I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
