Don't you send me to vm
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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