you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
