I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
