Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
