Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
