I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need water and some morals
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
