I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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