I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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